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Rapper Too $hort Gives Kids Worst Sex Advice of All Time. OF ALL TIME.
All right, it’s kind of a funny idea to give debauched rapper Too $hort, a.k.a. Todd Anthony Shaw, a column on hip-hop mag XXL called Fatherly Advice. What’s not funny is having the dude actually dispel the Too $hort brand of sex advice to youngsters, especially with children’s music in the background. When the topic is, and I quote, “turning little girls out,” this would hardly be funny if it were presented as some kind of dark, dark satire.
“When you get to late middle school, early high school and you start feeling a certain way about the girls … I’m gonna tell you a couple tricks,” Too $hort says in a video that has since been removed. “A lot of the boys are going to be running around trying to get kisses from the girls … We’re going way past that. I’m taking you to the hole.”
It’d be silly for me to point out that he means vagina. That’s obvious. But let’s be clear: He means middle-school vagina, a phrase I never want to type ever again.
“Cover your ears” so you’re not offended, he tells women off camera. If there’s anyone off camera, they don’t rush to stop him quickly enough, because the next thing Too $hort says is, “You push her up against the wall. You take your finger and put a little spit on it and you stick your finger in her underwear and you rub it on there and watch what happens. It’s like magic. You gotta find her spot, they all have a different one, but it’s somewhere in there. Just go for it. When you feel like it becomes a little more moist that’s when you know you’re doing it right.”
Wait — wha — AUGGH! That’s one of the saddest and most backward things ever. C’mon, Too $hort, I know you’re not a licensed sex educator, but you are a role model. You can’t be going around telling 14- and 15-year-old boys that when girls don’t want to kiss you, you should shove your fingers inside them. Boys, because they’re boys, WILL listen to you! There’s a not-so-thin line between X-rated humor and advocating criminal behavior, and that line is crossed when you call on minors to rape other minors.