Ideas like: “Let’s make a gym called ‘Resolutions.’ For the month of January it’s a gym, then the rest of the year it’s a bar.”
“A smartphone app that uses facial recognition to find porn stars that look like whomever your into.”
“A cupcake bar that uses those plastic tubes that banks have.”
If you are like most people, I am sorry to say that your New Year’s Resolution will likely fall on its portly rump faster than you can say “partially hydrogenated vegetable oil.” In fact, some estimates suggest that at least 80 percent of resolutions will fail within six weeks.
While there is something to be said about using the natural start of a year to delineate a personal change — “out with the old, in with the new” — I have never been a fan of these resolutions. I see the Resolution as the snake oil of behavioral change, offering the promise of rejuvenated health and happiness with the gulp of midnight champagne. In reality, it is just a line in the sand that does nothing to actually effect change beyond the magical belief that a turn of the calendar actually effects human betterment. This is the myth of change; that it is easy to alter staid patterns of behavior. Sadly, change is hard, and it takes internal effort and motivation. Basically, it sucks.
You’re 15, it’s midnight at a gym, and this 24-year-old woman is half-naked and kissing you in a tanning booth. Then, your mom starts banging on the door.